A new Season

Right. I decided to revive my blogger again after nearly two years of inactivity.
Why? I just began my lessons in the National Institute of Education and I have an online portfolio that allows for a blog, and I can only embed blogger in here so I decided that this was a good incentive to use this blog again.
It's a little ironic that the title of this blog has everything to do with London but fact is, I kinda like it. And it would be a nice little touch to a blog about this new season, coming from a place that has brought me so much perspective.
So yeah, here's to a new season of life, and a new season in my blog.

(:

SACHSENHAUSEN - 'Arbeit Macht Frei'(cont'd)

What can explain such horrific crimes against humanity?

How evil can a human mind actually be?

The scary thing is not in the fact that people were killed, but the fact that actual human beings could sit down and think through what would be the most systematic way to exterminate people.

If they have to think of ways to kill someone without living with the guilt of it, should it not have been an alarm of their conscience? To what extent will man go to keep their own lives. To save it and cause others to lose it.

At the end of the walking tour, walking into the last standing original building, the Pathology lab, just broke me. It was the culmination of all the anger and emotion I felt throughout the entire walk. Looking at the empty autopsy room, the ironically while tiled tables, walls basins and cabinets, I finally broke down in tears. Tears was merely a shallow outlet for the turmoil that was inside me. What is humanity? How can God still love us when we are capable of such? “Love your enemy” has to be the hardest commandment to ever obey. I can’t begin to describe how impossible that will be for me if I were one of the victims. Not when I find that rather impossible now.

How does one explain this event in history, a history not too distant away? Can we even give enough thought to it? Walking through the memorial I felt this sense of skepticism(as I always do). The people who walk through this memorial, do they truly understand the lessons of the past? Do they learn anything? Some people on the tour were laughing and talking about ‘you were so wasted last night’. When will we throw off such self-centeredness and occupation with ourselves to truly think about where we are now as humans. WIll thinking about the horrific past suffice? Will it enable us to change, and live as better people?

I don’t think anything can explain. I don’t even feel that my emotions from this experience has justified it’s horrific place in history. I walk out of that concentration camp with such feelings but how has it changed me?

You think nations will learn from their ignorance in this issue that led to so many deaths. Yet we see it happening. Rwanda, Bosnia Herzegovina, Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh Cambodia? Standing aside because it is a ‘localised issue’ or perhaps more importantly, that our own interests are not at stake? When will it be justified to intervene then?

SACHSENHAUSEN - 'Arbeit Macht Frei'

WARNING: LONG POST-but worth while if you’re interested in History/Human Kind.

History of Sachsenhausen: The Concentration camp was built in 1936 meant as a model for the network of death and concentration camps to follow this one. Whilst the world’s focus was on Berlin for the 1936 Olympics, Few thousand slave labourers were 40km north of Berlin building this camp, or digging their own graves. This was not an extermination camp, unlike Auschwitz which was a ‘Death Camp’. This was a slave labour camp, meaning that every prisoner is made to do slave work during their imprisonment. The camp was freed by the Soviets in 1945 after the fall of the Nazis. Knowing that they were to be discovered, the SS officers ordered for the thousands of prisoners to make a march towards the West, then up North, known as the ‘Death March’. This campsite was then desolate for the few years under the Soviet’s occupation of East Germany. In 1961, the soviets opened this place as a memorial, but used it as a place of propaganda. They remembered only the communist soldiers who died ‘for the country’ and not the rest of the people. It was only in 1992 that they restored the place and the world can visit this site of extreme horrific memories, and remember every single group of people who died under the Nazis.

We followed the entire route that would have been walked by the prisoners on their way to Sachsenhausen. The camp is a triangle shaped area, with the tip at ‘Tower A’, which enables SS officers(Schutzstaffel-meaning protective squad) to keep an eye on every part of the camp. Prisoners would enter into the ‘Registrationplatz’ where registration, and dehumanisation will begin. Officers first go around the groups and pick out the strong-willed ones, those who seem like the leaders. They would beat them up in front of everything. The idea here is to scare everyone into obedience. If they think that they can follow their leader, then they are wrong because this is what will happen to them. They are then stripped of all their clothing, shaved of all their hair. Hair is one of the defining characteristics of human individuality and by shaving it all, everyone looks similar. They are all given a uniform, and a registration number. They are no longer known by their names. The Nazis later introduced coloured triangles to show the officers why the prisoners are in the camp. Red was for Communists, Social Democrats, anarchists, and other “enemies of the state”; green was for German criminals; blue was for foreign forced laborers; brown was for Roman Sintis(or known as Gypsies); pink was for homosexuals; purple was for Jehovah’s Witnesses and black was for asocials, a catch-all term for vagrants, bums, prostitutes, hobos, perverts, alcoholics. Once they get through the gates of Tower A, 200,000 of them never returned. 53,000 died due to labour. The remaining 147,000 were probably sent to Death Camps.

Entering the front gates we see a big field infront of us. This is the “roll call” area. Barracks are lined in a 3 semi circles facing Tower A. Everymorning, prisoners are given 30minutes to wake up,dress up, pack their beds, clean their lockers, shower, wash up, eat breakfast and report to the roll call area. It is okay for mayb 10 people, not when there are 200 or more in a barrack. The barracks were made for 150 people but by some time they were over capacity to maybe 300 per barrack. Often people die being trampled on and drowned. Not to mention that SS officers often give trouble to the prisoners by purposely causing jams in the hallways, and drowning people in the washrooms. If they do not make it out on time to the roll call area, the prisoners are immediately dragged to the front of the field to be hanged on the gallows, often prisoners are made to do it to their fellow prisoners.

The front of the roll call area is barricaded by barbed wires and an electric wire that will kill upon a single touch. Officers are also given the command to shoot anyone who makes a run for it. Often, many prisoners gave up with the touch lifestyle and ran forward to die. Soon, the SS officers realise that too many people are taking the easy way out. Hence, they decided that they were going to take away the one right that people had. The choice to live or to die was going to be controlled by the SS officers. Anyone who takes a run for it, will be shot in the leg, and then tortured and dealt with accordingly. Soon maybe dropped dead from the 3 hour long roll call in the early morning, and the evenings, especially during the harsh winters. After morning roll call, they are all sent off to their various work details. Many of them were working for companies that built their factories outside of the camp, some of them still in existence, like Siemens. Brickmaking, building of houses, serving the SS officers, working in ‘Station Z’ and Boot Testing. Boot testing was known as the ‘death detail’. Many prisoners who were made to do this, mostly the homosexuals, dropped dead. Their average life span is no more than 14 days. They were made to wear boots that were purposely sizes too small. They had to carry backpacks filled with sand, and then made to run back and forth the roll call area for the whole duration of the work detail time in the day, around 12 hours. If that was not enough, they were made to run across different kinds of ground that a soldier might encounter like volcanic ash, rocky terrains and such. Prisoners were given only some water, and a small piece of stale bread for their ‘lunch break’.

Then there was the Special Prisoners Unit. These contained the more important prisoners like members of resistance and others. They were tortured and interrogated most commonly by handing them by their arms inversely. They walk up a small elevated platform near the pole, their hands tied behind them. Their arms are then lifted behind them, hooked onto the pole and the platform in kicked away. While this special area was walled, prisoners in the concentration camp could hear the screams of these people.

Station Z. Termed as the last alphabet because there is no exit from that place, as opposed to Tower A. It is the extermination center of Sachsenhausen. We see a trench upon our initial entry into this area. The earliest method of extermination was to line up the people in a line in the trench and shooting them. They then drag their bodies into a big room and once it becomes full, a vehicle comes to pick up all the bodies and transport them to an crematorium in Central Berlin. Soon it became a logistical problem as the number of bodies needed to be cremated were increasing too quickly and there was an accident that occured when one of the vehicles transporting the bodies was hit and the bodies spilled out onto the road. That is when they created the more systematic way of extermination. POWs(most of the time they are not worked but killed) are brought in thinking that its an infirmary. They are greeted by Prisoners working there, who are in lab coats. They first enter the ‘waiting room’, and one by one they enter the rest of the room. The next one is the ‘body checkup area’ but most of the time, they are checked for gold teeth. If they have gold teeth, the prisoner working inside will make an X on the POW. Later they are walked into a small room and they stand with their back against a ‘measuring stick’ that has a small gap between the neck and head of a person. The prisoner who led him in will push a button and a light will go on in the back room. The SS officer on duty will stand up, aim, and shoot the person in the head. There is no mess, and no resistance from the unsuspecting POWs, and the officers do not have to deal with the emotional stress of killing them. The prisoner who pushes the button then deals with it. He drags the body in the next room and the next POW comes in unsuspectingly. The dead bodies are sorted and gold teeth are plucked. The bodies are then loaded into 3 large incinerators and burnt once it becomes full. The ashes are then dumped outside.

Finally we made our way to the pathology lab and the infirmary where they carried out grotesque experiments on prisoners. One such test would be the study of Gangrene. They would give a prisoner a fresh wound and place a rusted piece of metal inside and sews the wound up. WITHOUT anaesthetic. In the pathology lab, dead bodies were cut up and inspected and their death would be given a ‘natural cause’ so that if external institutions start poking their noses in they would have justified deaths.

fleeting

time is passing by so quickly.

Though I sometimes feel like I'm not really doing anything much,

2 months have passed. it's 24 days before I fly back to London.

I feel ready to start uni again, Excited about the term ahead.

Yet, there is much I want to do, and keeping doing in Singapore.

To put everything on hold again is quite a sian thought.

But i'm feeling quite good about my year in London.

It is going to be exciting.

Musical, KCLMSS' Events Director, Church!

for now,

Freshers' Induction, Musical development.

A recent experience
slowly drifting into a distant past
that glimpse of a memory
losing fast

Chains from the past
shackled on to ankles
keeping us in history
constant retrospective
this steady motif
that locks us in a cycle
of only recognising past glory

O the danger of this
eyes on the past
like arrows through our present
walk on my friends
leave behind those
shame or honour
on to greater deeds
to tasks that await,
on this road marked out
for every child of His.

"Love can be such a non-word sometimes. it loses its meaning, its potency. Like, I really love cheeseburger, then I really love a sunny day, and then I really love my Family. None of those loves are remotely the same. They are totally different things. It's really difficult to write about love, or use Love in a song. Because, 'what does it really mean?' "

- John Mark Mcmillan

How apt does this introduction to the writing for the song 'How He loves us' describe my emotions on this trip to Sri Lanka. When penning down my emotions and thoughts after every eventful day, I found myself unable to fully capture my experience. Words fell flat, reality seem to slip past. Yet my emotions ran high. Being unable to adequately describe it makes me feel like my memory of Sri Lanka will be diminished in potency. But something tells me that I have been changed from the inside. Reading back on my posts, I read a poem I wrote 2 months back.

Lord Your ways are higher than me.

Teach me Father to walk in this grace

this Grace everlasting, Unbelievable.

The human mind seeks to rationalise

the greatness of this God who created the heavens

but fails. Fails miserably. The Supernatural

ways of you O Lord is higher.

Higher than the intelligence of man.

The inadequacies of us throws me into

Confusion. Yet I hear a voice

calling from Heaven, so deep from my heart.

Intimate, as if from within.

"Walk with me"

O God, truly you are amazing.

Reflecting on this missions trip, I feel like the act of blessing has given me so much more. truly it is more blessed to give than to receive.

How blessed I am to have grown up in Singapore where manual labour is almost unheard of for my generation. Grass areas around the country are well maintained, water is accessible from every house, electricity and everything else we have for our own comfort. On this trip I've been put to shame for complaining about having to sweep the floor in my house, that service is bad. Having to cut and clear plants for 4 hours on monday at the hospital, clearing the plants near the new well at the drug rehab really humbled me incredibly. I have no right to complain given what I have. Travelling everywhere in buses, I gave thanks to God for how amazing Singapore is. The sight of underdeveloped housing, disorganised traffic, I felt this heart for the people. Singaporeans could not be more spoilt. Yet we are so quick to complain, to be discontented with what we have, constantly yearning for more material items to satisfy our cravings.

This has really been a humbling trip. God really showed me how shallow my faith was, and put His finger on things in my life that should be changed. Seeing the Sri Lankans worship with such passion and fire, I really finally understand what it is like, to be simple, and to have that heart of worship once again. Seeing the people pray with such fire and earnestness at Ps Jayantha's Church in Magdampe, God spoke to me. He showed me that I lack this hunger this deep desire for Him. The church at the beach slum was simple, and small. The equipment they had was basic. Yet the work they do is noble. Giving these people a hope, a way with Christ. All they have is Christ. I need to have such a desire for God, that nothing else can satisfy me, only Him.

How reassuring has my experience been. Watching the eyes of the children twinkle when you sing the simplest of songs. The smiles on their faces when you give them hugs. How tightly they close their eyes when you pray for them. Jesus wants that child-like faith. I had it, during this trip. I just had the faith that God's presence was going to be there. And He always turned up. I believed I sought him and came before him as a child once again. I was shown why I loved children. It is because Jesus loved them. Praying for them and singing with them showed me Jesus' heart for the children. He reassured me for my love for my ministry, and once again fired up my motivation for serving.

I give thanks for God's presence that never once left us. Whether we were laughing and talking on the bus to our destination, or praying for people, or singing songs, even playing games, God was there. Everytime we just knew God was going to come and work in the hearts of the people. The Holy Spirit was constantly active in me. It was indeed humbling when Ravi said to me "You are so annointed! Really annointed" and I didn't know how to react to that. I was questioning if I was really annointed. Ravi said that the group of us is so annointed but we don't know. That was when God really said, "Move on to greater faith, greater works for me. Because I have given you the ability to" I guess because of the structure of the church I think that perhaps my annointing will really be shown if I'm a cell leader. But God says no, I have so much more than I can imagine.

On the last night, during the worship service, I felt God's presence so strong! I was reminded of Christ and his supremacy. His love indeed overwhelmed me. Everything felt so amazing in Sri Lanka. When I went up with the band to 'perform', I had no fear, no concern for the technicalities of the music. I was fixed on Jesus and His greatness. It was indeed the first experience for me that I really just wanted to worship whilst on stage. How amazing is God and his Holy Spirit, and what he can do through to me if I just offer myself to Him.

'He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am a tree.

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

All of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

and I realised how beautiful You are, and

how great Your affections are for me

How he loves us, how he loves us oh.

We are his portion, He is our Prize.

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

if His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking

heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

my heart turns violently inside my chest

i don't have time to maintain this agress when I think about

how he loves us "

This is the love we get from our Father in heaven. Words can't begin to describe His love for us. It is humanly impossible to put a measure of that love, yet we all feel that love from the Father in heaven. A feeling I can't put to words, or song or poetry. I have been humbled, reminded and overwhelmed by the Father, to an extent I can't believe. I am changed.

I just spoke silence with the seeker next to me

She had a heart with hesitant, halting speech

That turned to mine and asked belligerently

What do I live for

I see the scars of searches everywhere I go

From hearts to wars to literature to radio

There's a question like a shame no one will show

What do I live for

We are Hosea's wife

We are squandering this life

Using people like ladders and words like knives

If we've eyes to see

If we've ears to hear

To find it in our hearts and mouths the word that saves is near

Shed that shallow skin

Come and live again

Leave all you were before

To believe is to begin

Having been back in Singapore for more than 3 weeks, I'm starting to see the lack of awareness that Singaporeans have. Friends always comment on how Americans have no idea about what is happening around the world, what difference is Singapore to these? I don't know, I having been praying that God may open my eyes to things around me, to perspectives that I may not have observed before. And I believe he has. I'm starting to see how most people live in their own bubbles.

I had the experience in the Survival Camp to be completely and utterly plunged into a world where I may have chosen to ignore. A large percentage of people are selfish. There's no other word to describe them. I can't say I'm completely giving and selfless. Yet the level at which people think about themselves is appalling. They did not understand my heart for the community. And even after constant heart to heart talks with them, there was no change in their attitude towards the community.

At the end of it I felt quite an aching pain, in my heart. That generations of people here grow up to think about what they want, what they desire. Yet that desire and want is restricted to their own little bubble. They don't see the needs of others. I'm not trying to say that I'm a "Mother Theresa" in anyway for I admit that I do behave like this all the time. Yet God has opened my eyes to see, things that need to be changed in our society.

We need generations who believe that they are responsible for the community. My focus this time during the Survival Camp, I felt , was turned from children, to the counselors. It was not deliberate yet I found myself incredibly bothered by some, and encouraged by others. I believe God is showing me what this community needs. Generations who will be that change. "Be the change you want to see" We need people to start thinking that way. It is not about religion, it is about Love. The ultimate Love of Jesus Christ is that only way we can see change. But every action counts.

We see churches singing about saving nations, reaching out to people who needs Christ. Yet, people still gladly sit in their own bubble, in their comfort zones. This is what hurts the most. to see christians who do not see the need to reach out to the community. "Faith without deeds is dead" Jesus was always about the crowds. Never about himself. God wants us to imitate the life of Jesus, to be like him, share in the fellowship of his sufferings. We say " I want to be like Jesus" all the time. Where is that action? The faith sure is there, but it is lifeless unless we do something.

I pray that God will raise up a generation who will impact people in Singapore to take that step to rise up. That christians may stop saying and believing, but start doing. The worst thing we could be doing is to revel in the love of Christ, and not share it with people who need it the most.

The build up to my Sri Lanka Trip in July has made me very aware of my surroundings. Of people, of the community. I've constantly been thinking about how Nations need Christ. I'm not a big time preacher who can organise big rallies to preach to thousands. I want to impact lives one by one, from within the community. I'm small, but my God is big. I pray that God may use me in ways I cannot imagine. That what I want, may be what God wants. His plan, His desire.