- John Mark Mcmillan
How apt does this introduction to the writing for the song 'How He loves us' describe my emotions on this trip to Sri Lanka. When penning down my emotions and thoughts after every eventful day, I found myself unable to fully capture my experience. Words fell flat, reality seem to slip past. Yet my emotions ran high. Being unable to adequately describe it makes me feel like my memory of Sri Lanka will be diminished in potency. But something tells me that I have been changed from the inside. Reading back on my posts, I read a poem I wrote 2 months back.
Lord Your ways are higher than me.
Teach me Father to walk in this grace
this Grace everlasting, Unbelievable.
The human mind seeks to rationalise
the greatness of this God who created the heavens
but fails. Fails miserably. The Supernatural
ways of you O Lord is higher.
Higher than the intelligence of man.
The inadequacies of us throws me into
Confusion. Yet I hear a voice
calling from Heaven, so deep from my heart.
Intimate, as if from within.
"Walk with me"
O God, truly you are amazing.
Reflecting on this missions trip, I feel like the act of blessing has given me so much more. truly it is more blessed to give than to receive.
How blessed I am to have grown up in Singapore where manual labour is almost unheard of for my generation. Grass areas around the country are well maintained, water is accessible from every house, electricity and everything else we have for our own comfort. On this trip I've been put to shame for complaining about having to sweep the floor in my house, that service is bad. Having to cut and clear plants for 4 hours on monday at the hospital, clearing the plants near the new well at the drug rehab really humbled me incredibly. I have no right to complain given what I have. Travelling everywhere in buses, I gave thanks to God for how amazing Singapore is. The sight of underdeveloped housing, disorganised traffic, I felt this heart for the people. Singaporeans could not be more spoilt. Yet we are so quick to complain, to be discontented with what we have, constantly yearning for more material items to satisfy our cravings.
This has really been a humbling trip. God really showed me how shallow my faith was, and put His finger on things in my life that should be changed. Seeing the Sri Lankans worship with such passion and fire, I really finally understand what it is like, to be simple, and to have that heart of worship once again. Seeing the people pray with such fire and earnestness at Ps Jayantha's Church in Magdampe, God spoke to me. He showed me that I lack this hunger this deep desire for Him. The church at the beach slum was simple, and small. The equipment they had was basic. Yet the work they do is noble. Giving these people a hope, a way with Christ. All they have is Christ. I need to have such a desire for God, that nothing else can satisfy me, only Him.
How reassuring has my experience been. Watching the eyes of the children twinkle when you sing the simplest of songs. The smiles on their faces when you give them hugs. How tightly they close their eyes when you pray for them. Jesus wants that child-like faith. I had it, during this trip. I just had the faith that God's presence was going to be there. And He always turned up. I believed I sought him and came before him as a child once again. I was shown why I loved children. It is because Jesus loved them. Praying for them and singing with them showed me Jesus' heart for the children. He reassured me for my love for my ministry, and once again fired up my motivation for serving.
I give thanks for God's presence that never once left us. Whether we were laughing and talking on the bus to our destination, or praying for people, or singing songs, even playing games, God was there. Everytime we just knew God was going to come and work in the hearts of the people. The Holy Spirit was constantly active in me. It was indeed humbling when Ravi said to me "You are so annointed! Really annointed" and I didn't know how to react to that. I was questioning if I was really annointed. Ravi said that the group of us is so annointed but we don't know. That was when God really said, "Move on to greater faith, greater works for me. Because I have given you the ability to" I guess because of the structure of the church I think that perhaps my annointing will really be shown if I'm a cell leader. But God says no, I have so much more than I can imagine.
On the last night, during the worship service, I felt God's presence so strong! I was reminded of Christ and his supremacy. His love indeed overwhelmed me. Everything felt so amazing in Sri Lanka. When I went up with the band to 'perform', I had no fear, no concern for the technicalities of the music. I was fixed on Jesus and His greatness. It was indeed the first experience for me that I really just wanted to worship whilst on stage. How amazing is God and his Holy Spirit, and what he can do through to me if I just offer myself to Him.
'He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am a tree.
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
All of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realised how beautiful You are, and
how great Your affections are for me
How he loves us, how he loves us oh.
We are his portion, He is our Prize.
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
if His grace is an ocean, we are all sinking
heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
my heart turns violently inside my chest
i don't have time to maintain this agress when I think about
how he loves us "
This is the love we get from our Father in heaven. Words can't begin to describe His love for us. It is humanly impossible to put a measure of that love, yet we all feel that love from the Father in heaven. A feeling I can't put to words, or song or poetry. I have been humbled, reminded and overwhelmed by the Father, to an extent I can't believe. I am changed.
You've just touched my heart with your blog... Sometimes I lose the passion to serve and sometimes just serving without worth like you're just serving man and not God... All in all we come back to His love no matter how far we try to run away from His love, His love just chases us Fiercely and that we cannot help but just come back broken... God Bless you as you continue to grow your passion for Him, as you fall in love with Him more and more... He'll show you even greater things as you open your heart to Him wider and wider and you ears to His love song to you!
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