"You alone can rescue

You alone can save

you alone can lift us from the grave

You came to find us

let us out of death

You alone deserve the highest praise"

It has been a while.

I forgot what it was like to be part of a christian community.

Today that changed.

I finally came to terms with the fact that I need a family here in London

it has been hard.

struggling with God.

thinking that I can lead a life without a christian community.

I've been attending church, just not actively involved, and being accountable to anyone.

somewhere along the line I felt my heart hardening, but I insisted I could live without a community.

Finally, after being so caught up with the pace of life, and the social aspect of it, the spirit reminded me that I need a family. I need support.

Today I finally gave in God at the altar. I felt the Holy spirit again. And on my way to a tender heart. Again.

I feel horrible, like what Paul said in Hebrew, Why do I keep returning back to things that I already know I shouldn't be falling back into? When I should be mature enough to teach, to educate to guide my fellow christians. I guess its all about the fear of the Lord. I need to constantly remind myself that I need to do my part of the relationship too. Why do I seek earthly relationships and expect so much out of it when I don't even do the same with God?

Why don't I be proactive? I need that again.

Today I'm reminded, and I'm starting anew. He is the only one who can save me. not Man. Not myself. I will never win in that struggle. I praise God for someone in church who actually reached out to me today. Now I know what it feels like to be new in a church community. Life's not gonna be the same. (:

"A heart that follows hard after You"